Have you been crucified today?

  New Chapter,  I have not written in while because my oldest daughter finds it pertinent to print off and record all conversations with me.  Yep right there on her laptop are the conversations.  Funny how we are to stupid to know. 
Anyway,  I think back to the day's before my daughter was killed.  She was the best person. She had problems as we all do.  But she did not try to hide it.  She let everyone know. She even begged for help to many and was turned down by her own.  And if she felt half the pain i feel at the hands of her sister, then she was right to kill her self. Not looking for pity, just a fact. 
I today have been shown another side of my oldest child.  It is like she is possessed.  Pure Evil exudes from her.
She has again denied me the right to see my grandchildren.  Not only her children but, Crystals also.  She went as far as to say if we saw them on the street she would not let us talk to them.  And that under Arkansas law,  We have no rights to see the grandkids.  ..GREAT Person....using kids as pawns.
All I can do is leave it in Gods hands.   And move on.  And know, I have the key to their real past,  when they can get out from under her thumb.
Never in a million years would I had though such a good person could turn into such a spiteful hateful person.   To use children as pawns is horrible.  Thought that was used in divorce cases.
I am just blowing off steam right now.  But soon I will be moving to my new blog  so I will be excited to be able to tell it like it is again.  
For today I am praying God has mercy on her when judgment comes.  As for me I will be starting a new chapter in my life soon.  It is called....  Humm better leave that for later.



 

Every Now and Then

Every now and then I stop and smell the flower.  Every now and then I look at the clouds that are floating by.
Sometimes I sit for hours thinking about the family I used to have.  And how it could have ever gone so wrong. I think about selfish acts and people who want to control me.  And change me so I fit into their lives.  Not realizing I am happy with me and all that I am.     I think about the people who have made me who i am,  and wonder where I would be if i had been brought up in the world we know today.
I am not lonely.  I am not sad.  I am moving on and hope you can do the same.  I wish the best for you in your journeys. Life is to short.
It does not mean I do not miss nor love you.  It simply means I chose to remain who I am and who God wants me to be.  I will be fine as you will.  Just breathe in and out, knowing you made this decision not me. 

A new day without Crystal Ann

  Today has been 83 days since my daughter was taken from our lives.  It is a time of strong reflection.
Sometimes it is difficult to just make it through the day.  Others it is not.  At this stage in my life, I cannot tell you what my age is nor my real hair color.  I know i do not feel old other than aches and pains that accompany life. I know my hair under the dye is almost white.
  Losing my daughter has been the greatest difficulty and challenge of my life.  It has also caused a great awakening in me.  I now realize, I am important.  My ideas and my life are important.  I am a wife,daughter, sister, mother and grandmother.  Nothing else matters.  I will forever protect the sacred realm of family.  That is not saying I will be involved in their lives or their decisions. I will not bend over to kiss their ass nor allow my self to be hurt by their selfish bull shit.  I have no time for this.  Nor the energy to waste on people who will never change.  Instead I will pray for them and leave it in Gods hands. Does that mean I will not think of them often?  No.  It means, I will tolerate the differences, without forcing my views on them. If they have to learn the hard way, so be it.  I will either be here when asked for help or not (it may be to late.)  Love the ones who allow it and the ones who don't.
  Through reflection, I realize it does not matter.  My age is a number and my hair color, who cares.  Neither of these define who I am. I also realize people will have a difference of opinions.  And friends will either be a true friend or a half ass friend.  I do not care if I have one friend or 100. As long as they are true friends.   That is not why I am here.  I am here to do Gods work, not get involved in other peoples unchangeable drama. That is between them and God. By unchangeable I mean, you have been shown the path to better living and time and again you keep following the same path, and complaining about the same thing time and again, without fixing it or even attempting to fix it.   If asked directly, I will give my opinion, not what you want to hear.  I do not sugar coat what I see.  It is what it is.     Take it or leave it.
   Since my daughters death, I have gone back to college to finish my degree.  I am so happy to have a distraction.  My time is limited with my studies and that is truly a blessing. Not saying I do not get sad. Not saying I do not miss Crystal  Ann Aday with every ounce of my being. Not saying I do not cry when i realize she should be here for her children's milestones and moments in life.
  Now I am going to blow off a little steam.  Get it out of my system and move on. 
   I recently went begrudgingly to a birthday party for one of Crystal's children.  There was little family.  Well there was 3 aunts,  3 cousins, 1 grandpa and one grandpa.  The rest were his new family (Brians) family and Christy's friends. Christys ex can take them, Christys ex inlaws can take them, Christy's friends can take them, Brian's mom and dad can take them, Pam can take them.  We  (grandma and grandpa) are refused, the only people who have been a constant in their life until Christy took the kids.  We are only allowed to participate in gift giving events. Hum, yep buying a gift represents love.  Where the hell did this child learn this? Surely not from me.  And what is Crystal's children being taught.  That people are disposable.  That they can and will be replaced and that it is OK.    We have not been given pictures of the kids in almost two years.    I am such a horrible person in Christy's eyes.  I brought her into this world.   I was all she had.  Did I make mistakes yep.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals.  Did they thrive? Yes  Are they smart? Yes or should I say they were.  But I am nothing to them and that's OK.   Their loss I am strong and alone is fine with me. They will be the one's crying oh if only i had......  Just like with Crystal.  
  Note: These are my feeling and impressions of the situations.  Until proven otherwise they will remain so.   So Today I have chosen to step out of their life. I will not be apart of the circus.    I am tired of being angry and hurt. I am tired of trying and I am tired of letting other people control my life on their terms.  I am choosing to go with God and let the chips fall where they may.  I will always be there in spirit. This is the beginning of my new life.

The Plan of the Chosen Parents.

  The Bible says,   You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.  Everyday was recorded in your book!  Then why are we here?  Why do you have to take our babies?

Nothing in life is arbitrary.  It's all for a purpose.  God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly  the right genetic makeup to create the custom you he had in mind.  They had the DNA GOD wanted to make you.

It doesn't matter if your parents were good, bad or indifferent.  God knew those two individuals.  He chose them.  Gods plan took into account human error and even sin.  He knew what he was doing.  God has a plan for every person he creates.   He makes no mistakes.  So why does society think they know more than GOD?

This being said ,  who are we to mess with his plans?  I am pondering........  Do we have the right to intervene, if God has marked all our days in his book when we were born?  I am confused.  If our days are written when we are born,  Are we to do our best every day to help others and ease their pain?  Or are we to sit back and let the chips fall where they may?   Are we to right the injustices done?  Or are we to sit back and let God take care of it?  God has given us the ability to help mankind.  But doesn't the Bible say that our days are written before we are born?  So are we messing with destiny?
I am looking for comments so anyone can chime in. 

It always comes in threes,  so i am waiting to see what happens next.  And which loved one will it be.

I will never forget....................

 Crystal's final words to her Children.    I Love My Kids,  Sebastian, Sherrie, Aubry,  I Miss U Babys,  Love Mommys 5-5-10.   She loved her children."  And I know she would be alive today if it weren't for your greed, power trips and deception. I dislike you all for killing my daughter.  Directly or indirectly you are the responsible parties.

This is what my daughter was reduced to because of greed and lies. Living in a pop up with no door,gas, water or electric. Because Child support still came out months after the scam called TPR.  They were living on between $100.00 and $150.00 a week after child support. After 144.00 a week was withheld.   Not even enough to pay rent.

She never even got to say goodbye to her babies.  Because a restraining order was put on her where she could not even call them.  Because it was a inconvenience to have to listen to her.

You never even gave a thought to the suffering of the parents.  Money corrupts and power is poison. I pray for forgiveness on my part because my feelings are strong.  I pray for you because you are indirectly responsible for the murder of my daughter.

Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the Wall

Another who was way ahead of his time.  Strange though at this time some people were ready to listen.  They realized that our schools and society were brain washing our children.  Children were not given the chance to become who they wanted to be.  They were told how to think, what was acceptable and how they would act.
  Today some parents will not let children be them selves.  They want them to be someone they are not. They are not allowed to speak their opinions or think for themselves.  Some of the greatest musicians have had long hair and looked like hell.  But they were happy and could carry on a conversation without fear of their parents or society. 

   My generation and those before me had a wonderful array of free thinkers.  They were allowed to make decisions and if it was wrong they had to suffer the consequences.  But you know there really was no right or wrong.  Everyone accepted you and what you believed in.  If you thought you could be a astronaut then so be it and president was not out of reach either.
Today its drug them and dumb them down.  And parents follow protocol just like good little soldiers. Never once considering the long term ramifications of the medications.  In twenty years what will have happened to your childs body because of the medications you went along and put them on  when they were young.  Will they have heart or kidney trouble?  Will they have pea soup for a brain because they were put on experimental drugs.    Most parents never stop to think its the fact that we have a government controlled school system that requires large numbers of children to sit under the instruction of one teacher.  The kids have to be managed.  And what better way.  I really fear for the little soldiers of todays society.
Most schools are medicating children at an alarming rate.  If there is not a reason to be on drugs there will be soon.  As the video shows they are making hash out of our childrens minds.

             

World Peace One Person at a Time.

   Have you ever considered that world peace would solve 95% of the crisis today?  Probably not if you are like the millions out there that like drama.  Now, I am  not a dramatic person.  I do however stand up wholeheartedly for what i believe in. 

   As a small child my grandmother and I used to set on the foot of the bed and watch tv, snap bean, shell peas, or sew.   It was time that was special just to us.  We would talk about current and future event.  But no matter what, you should hold to what you believe.  If you feel it, stick to it.  And I wholeheartedly feel that with unity we could beat the current crisis of the world if people united as one.
  When you have a angry and desperate world as we currently do, things get blown out of per portion. Someone may say your mama wears combat boot and here we go full fledged drama has started over a stupid quote.  Get real here.  Or you may be wearing your feelings on your sleeve and being in a vulnerable state.  And believe me I am the worlds worst.  I forget to say no to drama.

  There is a sight that i found very helpful.  A complaint free world was started on the primes that it takes 21 days to get rid of a bad habit.  They believe that if you go 21 days without complaining or being negative that you can master this. Give it a try it is free.  www.acomplaintfreeworld.org

  I am sitting here looking for world peace sites as I type.  I found it very strange that nearly everyone that came up on a google search had to do with government or money.  Now that being said.  I am not anti government.  I am for limited government. I am not against money either but believe that credit is bad and  money is the root of evil and yes you need money.  Or do you?  There is a such thing as barter.  Bartering is a completely free way of obtaining what you need or want.  Barter works like this.  I need tomatoes and you have them.  You need squash we trade and we are both happy and it did not cost a penny.  Now this may take a while to find a network but hey we can find Mickey d's and wally world surely we can do this.
  Another way is to leave the mainstream crap behind.  Stop buying into the whole OH you need this or that.  No you don't, you want it.  You want it because it is new and cool.  And so does all the other impulse buyers in the world.  The I phone is a perfect example.  $200.00 for a cell phone with a two year contract..  It has no insurance available, the plans cost more and it just does not make sense.  Yes they are cool but I have seen my own daughter saying I cannot live without my I phone.  REALLY, are you kidding me.
  New vehicles,  Now my husband is the worst.  He really believes that i need a new car.  I do not.  I would have been just happy with my mustang.  But no he wanted me to get rid of it.  It really did not make sense.  we gave up a vehicle that was paid for to get one that had huge payments.  Now that made no sense what so ever.  But he was afraid I was going to kill myself in the mustang.  Once the realization hit it was like "what have we done." Now I am unhappy because we have pmts again.  Our wants have way over shadowed the needs for a long time and I am working hard to correct that.
   Now lets all get on the same page and see how many ideas we can come up with and implement to work towards a world that is stress free and happy.  Can we each do  (starting slowly) two random acts on kindness daily.  And preferably make then to an actual human you do not know.

Until next time Have a Happy and productive year.